4 am sappy hours but all this talk about twitch viewership averages being down, and ppl struggling from the new antiviewbot thing has made me reflect on my content and how ive been feeling overall...
its no shock to my community that ive been super flaky in the past 1-2 yrs with streaming. i catch good waves of consistency and motivation sometimes, and we do a lot of cool stuff together, but it always ends with me feeling horrible about my streams/what i do/where i think i should be, and i disappear for weeks or months again.
a lot of times if im having a low energy day and my chats mostly lurking, it hits me rly hard cos i i start thinking how bored everyone must be. they clicked off to do something more interesting and they dont wanna talk to me. lol... its so fkin dumb cause i know its normal to have off or slow days, and have ppl lurk more especially as an art streamer.
but lately i realized i just crave the joy i feel when i can tell my community is having fun. when they just accept me for the weird little freak i am, bouncing dumb jokes around, adding to the stupidest 500 layer deep community lores.
the low averages hurting ppls income sucks, but honestly streaming has never been about money for me... (dont get me wrong it is nice lol) but i just want more friends who feel comfy being stupid and silly with me ;-;
that said, ive felt really aimless with twitch for a while. i keep bouncing between games, doing a bit of everything. some art, some trendy thing...but never really finding my groove long term. i got so lost trying to find a category or shtick that “draws ppl in” that i forgot it was never about that. viewers fluctuate, and the ppl who enjoy you stay no matter what u do.
and what i love doing is art. i love creative projects, vtuber models, illustrations, silly doodles. i love comms and seeing happy clients... and of course i love being goofin around
so yeah. i wont force myself to be something i dont need to be. ill just try to focus on being the best version of myself 🤍 i will defeat my brain goblins...