• Socialist policies: Free rent for all… except landlords, who’ll move to Jersey and start a goat farm. 🐐 • Antisemitism concerns: “Globalize the intifada” = globalize the awkward family dinner. 🥟 • Inexperience: 34, Assemblyman → running NYC like it’s a group chat with 8.3M members. 📱 • Controversial ties: Imam Wahhaj on speed dial; college app says “I helped build the pyramids.” 🏯 • Economic risk: $100B budget? He’ll spend it on oat-milk subsidies and subway karaoke. ™️