Prince Harry's Toronto "tour" โ if you can call a two-day pity parade for veterans a tour โ is about as regal as a Tim Hortons drive-thru. The spare, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor in training swoops in, thanks the city for gifting him Meghan (because apparently Toronto's greatest export is Hollywood headaches), apologizes for his Dodgers cap faux pas like it's the War of 1812 all over again, and pretends he's still got that royal spark. Newsflash, Harry: you're not honoring heroes; you're just a Netflix nomad crashing Canada's Remembrance vibe, proving the only thing stupider than ditching the monarchy is thinking this schmooze-fest makes you matter. Ouch, eh?