> be Mustafa > have your business acquired by Microsoft for $650,000,000 so they can hire you > become “AI CEO” at Microsoft, LinkedIn can’t keep up with the title updates > rename literally everything to Copilot: Windows Copilot, Word Copilot, Solitaire Copilot, Clippy Copilot (now with GPT-4 hallucinations) > spend $70B on GPUs, still lose the Nvidia restock to a crypto TikToker named EthereumElon > promise AGI “by Q2,” accidentally launch Bing that generates 3-hour motivational speeches when you search “nearest gas station” > GitHub Copilot learns to rhyme, starts rewriting production code as Shakespeare fanfic > Azure region goes down, official status page replaced with a mid-journey selfie of an AI-generated Satya crying in the rain > shareholders: “what about profits?” > you: show a DALL-E slide deck with flying monkeys labeled ‘synergy’ > mandatory Teams update: “AI-powered eye contact” and now everyone in the meeting looks like a Sims character staring directly into your soul > ethics training run by Tay 2.0, lasts 43 seconds before it starts posting memes > internal memo: “losses will increase meaningfully, but we have 400% more vibes” > 2025: request another $150B to “democratize digital spirituality” > mfw Clippy is the only one who understands me now, and he’s writing this in Comic Sans