To anyone that ever said I had no artistic talent: I once drew this!

I just found an old @Walgreens complaint number where the complaint went nowhere, and an old @USPS complaint number where the complaint went nowhere. Thanks for being completely useless, Walgreens and USPS complaints department.

I have no idea why so many MAGA women follow me. Unless they’re bots.

If this is how Elon runs Tesla, I’m glad I never bought one.

Every single update makes Twitter worse. Every. Damn. One. This is what I get when the app opens, and then this. Timeline takes at least three tries to load. Often more.

Trump wants a court order that poor people get their SNAP benefits to be blocked. The President of the United States is asking for permission to stave his own people! What the fuck kind of person is this, and what kind of a country do we live in??

Just found a rogue piece of burned onion on my crotch that fell off my bagel, and I ate it. Life’s good!

I’d like to extend my personal congratulations to @ZohranKMamdani for his victory in the NYC mayor’s race. Finally the old guard is changing, and we can get a breath of fresh air in a city that needs it. Best of luck, Mam, and way to go!!

Charlie Kirk can’t vote today, but if he was here, he would tell you to go out and vote for Mamdani!! Don’t wait! Do it for Charlie and Erika now!!

So many of my @FreeStyleLibre sensors have prematurely popped out that they’ve downgraded my replacements to week long USPS delivery instead of overnight FedEx. BOOOOOO! Not my fault your product sucks!!

God has created a new realm for the now deceased Dick Cheney, as he’s been deemed too evil for Hell, and an existential threat to Satan.

Everyone you ever love will either die or reject you. Every thing you ever love will end up as trash someday.

You can do anything, and you will still be nobody. Nobody else will ever know or see. Yesterday, hundreds of people that trained all year ran in a marathon in NYC. They accomplished their goal, and nobody knew. Nobody saw. The TV focused on 10 foreigners who came here and one won the race. And hundreds of other people’s accomplished goals meant nothing and they were still nobody.

Today I carbed-up for the #nycmarathon. No, I’m not running in it; I just like spaghetti for breakfast.

The start and end of Daylight Saving Time is a such a wonderful thing; it teaches us as young children to fall right into line and accept whatever shit they hand us, no matter how stupid it is.

Tomorrow people run a long way to get nowhere while streets shut down to allow them to do this. Also clocks change. So two really stupid things happening on one Sunday.

Another #FreestyleLibre 3 sensor crapped out on me yesterday. I have not had a single one last the 15 days they’re supposed to. Not. One.