ab4n
dbern
@dbern
obviously, I’m a very active twitter user
New York
Joined July 2008
Tweets
35
Following
21
Followers
34
Likes
42
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dbern retweeted
Conan O'Brien
@ConanOBrien
18 Feb 2019
If beans are the musical fruit, then cauliflower is the quiet kid with no obvious ambitions and a strange odor.
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dbern
@dbern
21 Jul 2012
Choaking never felt so good.
#FromBeheindlichManeuver
#FirstAidTip
dbern
@dbern
20 Jul 2012
In a coffee shop. Girl next to me. she breathes through nostrils as though her nose will propel her through the window.
#IhopeSheSucceeds
dbern
@dbern
25 Aug 2011
DC shuts down when the weatherman farts.
#DC
#PanicAttack
#ItMightRain
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dbern
@dbern
23 Aug 2011
RT @jwpetersNYT: First images coming in of DC earthquake devastation:
bit.ly/bdfNuk
dbern
@dbern
21 Jul 2011
I just Shazamed myself singing Katy Perry's Firework and it tagged a song of singing cats.
#WatchOutRebeccaBlack
dbern
@dbern
7 Jul 2011
Tonsil hockey really should be our national sport. Unless of course this sport were to be played on family holidays.
#NFLsucks
#NBAsucks
dbern retweeted
Conan O'Brien
@ConanOBrien
4 Jul 2011
July 4, 1776: the day that we “unfollowed” King George.
#waytoointotwitter
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dbern
@dbern
1 Jul 2011
I have an irrational fear of a sommelier pirate hijacking.
#TheDangerousNapaValleyInCali
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dbern
@dbern
29 Jun 2011
"You son of a motherless goat" - me to the guy in the subway holding a sign that said "curse me for a dollar."
#GivingNeverFeltSoWrong
dbern
@dbern
23 Jun 2011
Whoever came up with the brand "GoGurt Strawberry Banana Burst" was clearly marketing to frustrated housewives
#ShamelessBranding
#Yoplait
dbern
@dbern
18 Jun 2011
Mermaid Parade at Coney Island. Mermaids don't have legs!
#SlowestParadeEver
dbern retweeted
Bobby Boswell
@bobbyboswell
14 Jun 2011
An employee w/ pink hair just told me they don't sell exploding golf balls bc they are a "store for serious golfers." Pink hair...
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dbern
@dbern
15 Jun 2011
Homeless guy got on the F Train this morning & only solicited Asians because "they haven't given in a long time"
#NYCsubway
#TargetMarketing
dbern
@dbern
14 Jun 2011
Have you ever gotten the feeling you'll get herpes from some ATM machines?
twitpic.com/5bilfc
#FilthyATM
dbern
@dbern
12 Jun 2011
The Belmont Stakes is like watching the Danny Devito sex tape.
#Short
#2min30secRunTime
dbern
@dbern
1 Jun 2011
Thanks to global warming, my subway ride this morning was bikram.
#CommuterYoga
dbern
@dbern
30 May 2011
To all 39 of my followers, in recognition of Memorial Day, I will not be writing a Twitter post today.
dbern
@dbern
29 May 2011
I wish my joy was complete, running through the grass.
dbern
@dbern
19 May 2011
Quality dandruff shampoos would sell much better if packaged with a snow globe.
#DonaldTrumpsDander
#FormerPresidentialCandidate
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