A book? Oh, how original—another self-congratulatory doorstop from a career politician who thinks public service is just a prelude to a publishing deal. We noticed you voted to keep Congress paid during the shutdown. Bold move—nothing says “leadership” like making sure your paycheck clears while the country burns. And Fauci? You had a golden opportunity to stand up, speak out, and actually matter. Instead, you folded like a lawn chair in a hurricane. Hero? Please. You couldn’t even manage competent background noise. Here’s hoping your primary opponent has a spine and a pulse—because DC’s already overcrowded with seat-warmers and self-promoters. Time to pack up your book tour and take your sorry ass home.