I was someone who through my 20s wasn't even sure if I wanted kids. Work was my passion and I enjoyed it deeply. I filled up two passports. I did well financially. And yet, it's incomparable to the joy and purpose having children has given me. Like, not even close. Its crazy.
Darren Shepherd
 @ibuildthecloud
Oct 26
It's probably just my feed, but I see a lot of talk about getting married and having kids. Looking back at my life, career vs kids. There is no competition, family is the best. I was raised to basically get married young and have kids. Growing up (in CA) that was not generally accepted and people thought it was strange and often had critical views towards it. All I can say now is that I'm so happy I got married and had kids in my twenties. I recognize everyone is different. But if you can, I recommend it. Of course marriage is hard. Of course kids are hard. And it's expensive. But if you can find someone you love, be truly dedicated to each other, and put everything in it, the rewards are so great. Like anything good, it's hard work.

Oct 26, 2025 · 9:15 PM UTC

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I have a single friend in his late 30s right now. Mega-millionaire. Doing whatever he wants. He's happy! He always asks me "where are you going next" and I always respond "nowhere, I just want to be home with my kid." And he looks at me like I'm CRAZY. He tries to empathize, but can't. I used to be him. There's nothing wrong with being him. I'm happy for him. But kids rebalance your life to realizing that nothing matters more than them. Like nothing even comes close to mattering. Everything else becomes noise. And I didn't get it either. So I don't expect other people without kids to get it either. And that's fine. I'm not judging you. Even when I decided to have kids, I didn't (couldn't!) know what to expect. I wasn't particularly excited, honestly. But holy shit does that change once they come. I look at my life in bewilderment almost every week thinking how my 20s self would've hated this, and yet this is the best my life has ever been. My kid is sleeping right now and I'm just counting down the minutes for her to wake up so we can hang out. That's all I want.
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SHES AWAKE. ❤️🫡
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Replying to @mitchellh
Try to have a few more. 😆
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Working on it
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Replying to @mitchellh
🤝
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+1
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Replying to @mitchellh
I agree, having kids is the best choice I've ever made but I think a lot of young people can't even fathom the idea when it's so hard today to "do well financially" for many. We need to make having kids cheaper and easier so that culturally we can shift to a society that's excited about having kids instead of scared or unwilling due to economic and/or societal uncertainty.
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Replying to @mitchellh
true story
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You're a hero. Lost of accomplishments in 20s, and I'm sure a good parent now. 🙂‍↕️
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Replying to @mitchellh
Exact same boat. Building a unicorn was great but Baby 2 is due in 5 weeks and it feels so much better than work ever did.
Replying to @mitchellh
Same here, it’s the best I suspect you’ve seen it, but @waitbutwhy just wrote a great piece on toddlerhood specifically that captures the joy really well
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Replying to @mitchellh
Kids rock, it’s indescribable and everything you can say is cliche but it’s all true. Best thing in life is had a couple kids and just be there present with them as they grow.
Replying to @mitchellh
Crazy. It almost seems as though humans evolved to do this. Who would have thought?
Replying to @mitchellh
100%
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Work can be fulfilling, but family brings a kind of joy that's just unbeatable.
Replying to @mitchellh
Not nearly as successful as you, but similar path, and had my first daughter at 42. Her and my wife matter more than anything else in my life.
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I think travel exhaustion is real. I have been a fulltime nomad for the past 3.5 years and I prefer to just stay in my home now. Each new place I go to, I can't help but imagine how it would be to bring my wife and kids there. At present, I don't have wife and kids but still.
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Replying to @mitchellh
"Like, not even close." This is the part you can't explain, only experience.
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I’ve always been very independent and self motivated. Worked my ass off. Used to live out of a duffel bag. Did well too (just not “tres commas” good). I still love working, and yet… I don’t really travel anymore because I don’t like being separated from my family. Never thought it’d be that guy. Marriage and kids are definitely the more important part of your net worth.
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Replying to @mitchellh
Reading this while my 10-month old sleeps on my chest and I deeply relate to it. I tell my mid-30s friends to have kids even if they don’t marry the other person, which sounds drastic, but not as much as going through life without experiencing this.
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Replying to @mitchellh
So, biological reward mechanisms are still the most potent ones?
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The problem with children is that you can only get the re-organized brain chemistry from actually having kids. Luckily these trends tend to pendulum and in a decade or two the old and miserable child free millennials will help the younger generations avoid their mistake.
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Replying to @mitchellh
Similar storyline here. I never thought I wanted kids, but my wife certainly did and started pressing me on it in my early 30s. Now, my only regret is that we didn't do it earlier and we didn't have more. I came to realize the importance of my children far exceeded everything else in my life. Watching them grow and learn, the bond and depth of feelings you develop for them, is something that can't be explained only experienced. I genuinely feel bad for parentless adults, as they'll never understand what they're missing.
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Replying to @mitchellh
@mitchellh did you feel this way even when she was young ? I have an 8 month old boy and it’s so stressful some days I’m not sure it was worth it 😳 Shameful I know.
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Replying to @mitchellh
I might have been better off if I had them in my 20s, or if I did as you did and built and sold a business. You have every resource you need and all the time you can want for this, don’t f up shepherding them. Other “priorities” probably aren’t. Love your choice.
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Replying to @mitchellh
Go forth and populate the Earth 🫡
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Big Ecclesiastes vibes here.
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Building a family of your own is the literally the best thing. Yes, it’s hard as hell. The first couple years are an absolute grind, but once you find balance you become unstoppable.
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Replying to @mitchellh
That's great for you, but others can choose differently.
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Exact same for me. In my 20s I traveled the world, partied like a rockstar, did more or less anything I wanted, and never wanted kids. In my mid 30s I had my first baby boy and its the coolest experience I've ever had. Nothing else even close. It is a lot of work, but the most fulfilling experience one can have. It becomes obvious once you do it.
Replying to @mitchellh
Stop trying to take credit for the invention of parenting
Replying to @mitchellh
True
Replying to @mitchellh
Perfectly said. If you have a loving wife and healthy children, you have it all already.
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