You're watching spacetime shear and glow around a compact mass...a Schwarzschild field with Kerr-lite hints. We layer time-dilation, gravitational-redshift tinting, Doppler/beaming on near-ISCO orbiters, photon-ring overtones, Shapiro-delay ripples, jet helices + shocks, polarization ticks, lensed starfield caustics, and QNM ringdown.